Honesty; the truth does set you free

Oh my, HP is truly amazing. This whole week has been about honesty for me. I’m in awe.

I opened myself up to another human being this week on a level of honesty about WHO I AM.

I had shared this “thing” awhile ago with someone else, however I wasn’t able to properly express my feelings about this thing with that person, just the incident.  I feared their judgement and I feared them not understanding; I feared the way I felt about this “thing” made me sick and twisted and beyond redemption.

Its been playing at the back of my mind for months. Through a long series of Godincidences I connected with someone this week. I felt so safe with this person, this new person (!) that I shared this terrible thing and all my feelings around it.  I knew I was in a safe emotional space.

Later I did feel exposed, my poor shivering soul right there for someone to look at.  So I let them, this new person, know that too. And it was and is OK.

This honesty has, in the couple of days since, opened up the most incredible channel in me to my HP. I am feeling that conscious contact which I’ve been striving for most of my life.   When I was completely honest about WHO I AM, the contact came naturally.  I feel it all the time now. Its there.  It’s here.

The truth really does set you free.

Hello world! To Thine Own Self Be True

To Thine Own Self  Be True is the cornerstone of Rigorous Honesty

(Barefoot Bill’s webpage).

The quote is taken from Shakespeare’s Hamlet; the other lines of the verse are : “And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can not then be false to any man.”

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Before I could not say that I was true to myself.  I could not even tell you what my truth was.  My head was so mixed up I had no idea what was real and what was not real and had completely lost myself somewhere along the line.  I was living my life based on what I thought others wanted me to do, or I was simply doing what others told me to do.  I was not true to myself.  I lived a life of fear – afraid of who I was and afraid of anyone finding out who I was.  I did not make decisions for myself and I did not take care of myself.

Even up to the last part of 2011 I was this same way.  I learned tools earlier in 2003 to start to take care of myself and like myself, but it was a long hard road to really embrace them, have the faith to put them into action and start to see myself change.  I can make decisions for myself today but at the same time I can know when I need to ask for help and I can take suggestions from others that know better than I do.   I still have a long way to go – but I am true to myself and that is a miracle because I thought I would live my entire life in shame and fear and other people’s eyes and now I know I don’t have to, one day at a time.

Truth is also love.  When I have been honest with myself, I am able to love me with all of my imperfections, knowing that I am in a process of progression and not perfection – the spirituality of imperfection.  When in doubt as to my motives of not being truthful with someone, I need to look inside and always ask am I being less than truthful to myself and am I letting up on my moral principles.

When doing any moral inventory the phrase, “To thy own self be true.” shows up in my mind.  My truths sometimes need nudging.  Sometimes uncovering what lies just beneath the surface takes willingness like in wanting to have my character defects removed.  Because of the work that I have done I can be true to myself today.  Before I hid my truth and I did not speak my truth.  I lived in fear of what others would think and I lived my life based on what I thought others would want of me. Today I don’t have to do that.  Today I live my life for God and what works best in my life.  I have my Higher Power to take care of me and watch over me. And as long as I do what I need to do on a daily basis my Higher Power will take care of the outcomes of my actions.

Truth is really an action word.  You cannot accept truth without change.  Accepting truth about ourselves is difficult.  But truth does set us free if we will allow it to; it is a crucial part of healing.  It gives us the freedom to be who we are.  We are able to come to terms with our weakness (without condemnation) and appreciate our strength.  Truth gives strength; it naturally builds healthy boundaries.  Truth is open; it is honest even at the risk of being vulnerable again.  When I walk in truth, I walk in God’s sunlight, and when I walk in the sunlight of the Spirit, I live a healthy life.

It has not been an easy road, but it has been one of the most gratifying.  Today I know who I am and I like who I am.  I make decisions based on what is right for me.  I listen and am open to suggestions made by other people but today my response is based on what I know is right for my life, not theirs.  Today I know what my truth is inside me.  It is freeing.  It is simple.  It is honest.  It is all a result of  working my relationship with my Higher Power.  It is another miracle and gift that I have gotten, and one I would never have wanted or even thought of asking for less than a decade ago.

Thank you for letting me share.  I look forward to yours.
odat